People are stupid and buy into that crap. Narcissists may show passion in the early stages of dating. Answer (1 of 9): I am going to explain why a narcissist won't think about you for approximately six months after your discard. What I know is that narcissism really exists on a spectrum, although it's easier and useful to think of narcissism as "categories" of individuals. In relationships, you will find that you can never quite satisfy them or make them happy. They demand perfection from others and from their experiences. They brag to be respected, loved, and gratified. There are certain phrases narcissists use, and ways they express things, that are eerily familiar to anyone who has ever dealt with one. Answer (1 of 55): I've struggle with this answer because my heart wanted to believe N had loving feelings toward me. Therefore, they do not miss you, but they miss the supply they were getting from you. While it's true that narcissists love themselves so much, they do feel attraction and love towards 6 Signs that a Narcissist is in Love with You Read More All that glitters is not gold. Im Not Perfect, Im Only Human How to Beat Perfectionism. 6. They desired to have complete control over the citizens of their countries and governments, and they did so by any means necessary including the imprisonment and systematic murder of anyone who refused to submit to their authority. Anyone who has lived with or worked for a narcissist will tell you: Narcissists view themselves entirely differently i.e., preferentially compared to others, making those around them less valued. 18. 1. The cornerstone of the narcissists personality is they lack empathy. Be prepared for when the narcissist lashes out not just with anger, but with rage. Its confusing because sometimes they experience the caring person they love, whose company is a pleasure, only to be followed by behavior that makes them feel unimportant or inadequate. PTSD Among Ukrainian Civilians in the Russia-Ukraine War, Wolves With a Parasite Become More Daring, Study Shows, Sensory Issues Often Have Overlooked Consequences, Teen Mothers: When Stigma Trumps Compassion (and Research). Narcissists will target anyone who happens across their path. Time.Clearly a narcissist. This is a very effective manipulation tactic with deep psychological implications. Narcissists follow different norms than most people. its just a bunch of crap. When narcissists are nice, they can be very nice; but if you still feel insecure, that is because it is a performance, not a true sentiment. And when you are, establish healthy boundaries and keep an emotional distance. Weird Things Narcissists Do and Say. Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. The other thing set I have noticed so clearly about my narcissistic ex, is that he always as I put it, perverts the course of justice; he would rather give weight and prominence to a stranger hes just met, through making his so-called necessary research on me, to the point of abandoning me in any given situation, having taken their side in any situation, for the sake of causing me pain.. No diagnosis by media/drive-by . But they are quick to see faults in others. The narcissist even feels that you did a big mistake losing him. They view people as an extension of themselves who are there to satisfy their wants and needs. However, they do not show them in most cases. Yes, a narcissist constantly fears replacement and can't bear replacing them at any cost. No matter how much training or education someone else has had, the narcissist is he or she is the real expert. 4 The 3 Narcissist Relationship Stages (I Love You, I'm Not Sure, I'm Out Of Here) 4.1 Stage 1: I Love You. 19. When a narcissist loses interest, you cease to be of value to them, and they don't feel empathy for other people's hurt. 11. Psychological Reports, 101, 357-360. https://doi.org/10.2466/pr0.101.2.357-360. They do not apologize or admit responsibility. When we throw terms around, we dilute them. Lack empathy and dont care about others feelings, Have grandiose thoughts about themselves (e.g., might exaggerate their achievements or talents), Dont take responsibility or ownership of their actions; they think that nothing is ever their fault, which results in a string of bad relationships and/or work experiences, Desire admiration from others and constant attention, making conversations or topics all about themselves. You will work harder to get their attention with little reward to you, because it wont matter to the narcissist or you will become resigned and empty psychologically, because narcissists drain you, one indignity at a time. Some, like children, close relatives, or the elderly, may not have a choice. Narcissists spend a great deal of time and energy . Can People with an Antisocial Personality Feel Empathy or Remorse? No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). They may also develop positive feelings toward their partner, but more based on friendship and shared interests. They may feel like they are empathic towards everyone since they refuse to ever think for themselves and merely repeat whatever the narcissist wants them to say. Dating or long-distance relationships that have fewer expectations are easier. Sorry never means sorry to a narcissist, what they want to say is, lets get passed this so I can continue my reign of terror without you complaining about it every second.. I agree with Amanda. 86-101). They boost their egos by implying others are inferior. How Do Gifted Adolescents See Themselves? A great article, and very timely for me, because I have very recently experienced a big hoovering by my narcissistic ex, being told at the same time how he admires Adolf Hitler so much, and also now Vladimir Putin I told him that the reason that he liked them was because he was as big a psychopath as they are, but inside it wasnt a joke for me, I meant it. The victim will usually end up accepting blame and responsibility for things they have not done. Answer (1 of 6): Narcissists don't pick people to be victims. The best way to handle a narcissist is to distance oneself as soon as possible. But if you feel the relationship has become too damaging to you psychologically, start planning your exit strategy. New York: Dell Publishing. Most narcissists are capable of being extremely self-centered; as far as they are concerned, they are the most important person in the world. At times it may be best to let narcissists immature or provocative behaviors pass without comment, but that doesnt mean you should fail to note, at least to yourself, how dysfunctional it is. Eventually, he completely stopped responding to any communication. The article mentions a narcs need to humiliate or in some way berate their supplier publicly. When you can make a person feel guilty, it is easier to control them. Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: Whether they have an . 9. Wondering whether a narcissist loves you is the wrong question. But while they can be very sensitive to criticism, outwardly they try to dismiss any negative comments about their personality or performance and may try to punish anyone who dares express an unfavorable opinion about them. Second, they overestimate their own emotional empathy (Ritter, et al). Fear of replacement pushes them so much: One of the greatest ways to attack a narcissist is to replace them. 17. One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration. 5. 1) Anger. The narcissist has several reasons for being sorry, and none of them has anything to do with holding themselves accountable for their actions and understanding that what they have said or done has hurt you. I would love to see more about healing from narcissistic abuse. When a narcissist discards their victim, it leaves their former partner feeling hurt, used and terribly confused. No one. The Short Period Of Love Idealizing. 9 Things A Narcissist Will Never Do For You (Or Anyone) If you have ever been with a narcissist, you will know that there are certain things a narcissist will never do, no matter what. They have a bottomless hunger and need to be endlessly fed. Do not derail the posts of others. well thats funny because mines never been evaluated and if it had been then by who? Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Narcissists lose interest as the expectation of intimacy increases, or when theyve won at their game. When they have pulled every trick in the book, and they still can't control you, expect your narcissistic partner to pull a disappearing act on you. Dont ever think you can "help" anyone be better or do better. As you know, narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance (even though deep down they are terribly insecure). Relationships with narcissists move very quickly. I share the same view about opening your mind / considering other possibilities than what we are told. Professional guidance can also help if that's available. Narcissists victimize those around them just by being who they are, and they wont change. A narcissist may only do so when it's beneficial to their image or self-esteem. As you can imagine, it is not easy living with or working with someone who thinks or behaves this way. They're great at spinning a web of lies to keep you hooked. look at whats under your nose you idiots? No platitudes or generic motivational posts. Yet compassion does not mean allowing others to hurt or take advantage of you. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. They may show love when theyre motivated. Its not personal; it's just what they do. Their objective is to enjoy uncommitted pleasure. Those feelings of insecurity, dismay, disbelief, or incongruity you are experiencing are real and will continue. ago. Theyre unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. (APA, 2013) Research shows that they have structural abnormalities in brain regions associated with emotional empathy. Theyre often good at manipulating others to bend the rules for them, reinforcing their belief that they shouldnt have to succumb to the same regulations as everyone else. The narcissist truly believes that everyone from former co-workers to past lovers holds them in high regardand assumes that anyone who doesnt like them must be jealous. Narcissists claim to love their family and partners, but do they? Narcissists believe everyone holds them in high regard, and they are very sensitive to criticism. Which of the 12 Relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours? Here are twelve common phrases narcissists use and what they actually mean: 1. Retrieved from https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/0fe0/2aba217382005c8289b4607dc721a16e1. For most narcissists, relationships are transactional: They provide positive attention and sexual satisfaction to support a narcissist's ego. Once a person is depleted, they will ditch them without a backwards glance and move onto the next victim. I expect gratitude at all times, for even the smallest things I do. Swenson, C. (1972). Not only do narcissists need to establish how superior they are; they also tend to imply that everyone else is less intelligent, experienced, or likable. There is no need to worry that they are in agreement with that level of evil, its the power these dictators have over others they admire. No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. Before youve finished the first sentence about your day, they will interject and tell you every last detail about theirs. In public they present themselves as charming, charismatic, articulate, desirable, composed, etc., but behind closed doors they are unpredictable, lack empathy, exploitative, full of rage, dangerous, and sometimes even deadly . I love this article! You may pop into their mind from time to time if something reminds them of you but they will move swiftly on. 5. It wont feel good, and it rarely works. 5. They'll Try and Blackmail You. Narcissists don't feel very good about themselves (despite the all consuming love affair they seem to have with themselves) and anything you say (even if it has absolutely noth. That is wise, but not always available. For the abuser, there's no need to hide what he's trying to do. I think whats important to realize about narcissism is that its not just behavior but a personality characteristic, more of a way of looking at the whole world.. (1945). (Campbell, et al.) Narcissists have a love for dominance, they think they are better than everyone else and love the idea of wielding their power over the little people.. She apologized profusely. You will never be treated as an equal, you will never be respected, and you will in time be devalued out of necessity, so that they can overvalue themselves. Narcissists have no concept of self-awareness or introspection. Do not derail the posts of others. 5. The narcissist in your partner likely will not disappear. They may be thin-skinned, shy and hypersensitive to others evaluations of them. Be mindful about what you reveal. . The narcissists inner voice is one of severe criticism; therefore, to shut that voice out, they will repeat the same destructive messages to their victims. Schultze, L., et al. Your childhood friend only talks about his own problems, and always needs help with something. My book, Dealing with a Narcissist, explains in detail how to navigate and beneficially use this in relationships with narcissists, addicts, or anyone who's highly defensive. Find a therapist who understands narcissism, Easy Ways to Tell Whether Youre an Inadvertent Narcissist, 7 Tips for Coping With Narcissists During the Holidays, Playing Favorites Gives a Narcissistic Co-Parent Control, Why Extremists and Hate Groups Often Play the Victim, "The Menu" and the Narcissism of High-End Dining. Steps towards escaping a relationship with a covert narcissist. 6. 4.2 Stage 2: I'm Not Sure. People who have an inflated sense of self will readily admit they are narcissists if they're asked just . Narcissists' self-absorbed behavior and need for attention can take up all the emotional oxygen in the room. He'll seek revenge. Johnson, R. A. PostedSeptember 1, 2017 The problem appears to be rooted in childhood trauma and physiological deficits that impact emotional assessment, mirroring, and appropriate empathic expression (e.g., unconscious or unexpressed: I love you, but). Most of us feel uncomfortable when we're challenged. In this way, what they really miss is the idea of you rather than the actual you. We must devote the necessary time and discipline. 5 For You, It's The End And . If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, these sayings and behaviors are probably all too familiar and you have observed and heard them over and over again. I expect you to be interested in what I have achieved and what I have to say. The Narcissist Discard Phase. They view people as an extension of themselves who are there to satisfy their wants and needs. Because a narcissist believes they're the most important person, they likely see their behaviors as positive qualities, rather than hurtful. Recognize whether these moments are fleeting or a bigger piece of the picture. Narcissists would rather be admired than liked. They can show great interest in romantic prospects and seduce with generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment. It's a complex answer that requires . Do a Disappearing Act. Most of the time, they dont feel good about themselves, they cope with this by projecting their negative feelings onto others. Some people think that narcissists only love themselves and not capable of loving anyone but that's not 100% true. Im sure youve figured that out. One more thing: I will never forget or forgive, and I will pay you back one way or another I am a wound collector.. And theres the rub: Everything must be about the narcissist. It trivializes the real pain and difficulty of being in a relationship or being raised by a person with narcissistic personality disorder, Nichols said. How Do Gifted Adolescents See Themselves? When a narcissist knows you have him figured out, they might try to blackmail you. However, one of the trademarks of narcissistic personality disorder is they dont take accountability and blame anyone but themselves when things go wrong. 1. He has subsequently had a relationship with a woman from Malaysia who had two 8 month old stillborn sons to him, as well as a miscarriage, she had a daughter about whom she was understandably very protective, this woman left him with her daughter and went to live in a small flat. I absolutely think this article is great . Without empathy and a conscience, they will do, say and pretend to be whatever they need to, purely to extract supply from others. In fact, they can be expected to argue, educate, and inform you about virtually every topic you bring up in conversation: Heres where you got that wrong. Further, in The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm (1945) emphasizes that love entails an effort to develop knowledge, responsibility, and commitment. 14. They say this to control what you do, who you see, and where you go. Get used to losing sleep, feeling anxious, restless, less in control, becoming increasingly worried, perhaps even developing psychosomatic ailments. and how would they have known what my beliefs were? The devalue stage is when the narcissist starts destroying your self-esteem and confidence by saying nasty things to you. But what are narcissistic individuals really like on a day-to-day basis? When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. Learn more about the symptoms, causes, and tips to address. Yet underneath, people with narcissism often feel empty and illegitimate. Narcissists project an image of themselves as very charitable and humble human beings in the beginning of every relationship. My ex now has the daughter living with him full time, although the daughters mother has been landed with a puppy which the ex wanted but couldnt care for (he has a degree in zoology) Narcissists are dangerous people and can disrupt lives causing intense suffering. When they say things like, I know how to destroy you, these hurtful words dont actually mean they want to make your life miserable, but they want you to feel just as bad as they do. Reading Suggestion: 11 Typical Examples of Narcissist text Messages. You wont be able to get a word in edgeways because to keep turning the attention onto themselves, they will interrupt everything you say and make it about them. Want to know more? But when they are making such statements after a few days, you might want to start thinking twice about the person you are dating. They dont care what other people need or how they feel. Romantic love can evolve into love, but narcissists arent motivated to really know and understand others. They expect you to forgive and forget and, above all, never to challenge them in public. I just dont care. We can have compassion for the struggles and limitations of people with narcissism. One of the weird things narcissists do involves destroying your happiness and relaxing moments. 6. I expect you to be loyal to me at all times, no matter what I do. Retrieved from https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/5a8d/b3534f5398d42cfd0160ca14f92fd6bf0, Delic, A., Novak, P., Kovacic, J., & Avsec, A. If you would just do what I say, things would be better. How Do Gifted Adolescents See Themselves? Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Goff, B. G., Goddard, H. W., Pointer, L., & Jackson, G. B. They will apologize and beg and plead for forgiveness while the narcissist is inwardly gloating and enjoying watching the results of the emotional trauma they have inflicted. Dear Older Man I Dated As An Underage Teen,Do you ever think about me?Do you wonder if I'll write about you if I'll take to the Internet to shout Read more on yourtango.com. C is a 29-year-old single man with a history of insulin-dependent diabetes who presents to an outpatient clinic for treatment of dysthymia and social phobia. Again, this is another saying used during the love bombing stage of the relationship. Here are the top 30 signs a narcissist is done with you: 1. Their love is conditional, depending upon the impact on the narcissist. | They don't even think they're victimizing others. By giving an indirect answer, you are refusing to answer the question and dehumanizing the individual who asked it. "Look what you made me do" is a common mantra among abusers and narcissists. Rules are for people who arent smart enough to make good decisions on their own, the narcissist believes, but they know theyre exceptional. Then you realize just how toxic relationships with these individuals can be. And, wow, that sure is a lot of people to have to evaluate. They feel confused, crushed, discarded, and betrayed. And it just comes naturally to her. The Psychology of Romantic Love. For most narcissists,relationships are transactional: They provide positive attention and sexual satisfaction to support a narcissists ego. It's part of what makes them feel alive and important. 4. Image is everything to narcissists. I am the best _______ (manager, businessman, lover, student, etc.). 7. Need for Admiration. Trying to beat them in a war of words or adopt their techniques is akin to an amateur going up against a seasoned pro. Last Updated on June 1, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. I find it really interesting and insightful. I appreciate that there are rules and obligations, but those apply mostly to you because I dont have the time or the inclination to abide by them. The Blame Game. They are basically saying they are willing to do anything for their significant other, even if it means traveling to the ends of the earth. In researching my book, Dangerous Personalities, I talked to scores of individuals who have been victimized by the narcissistic personality. 13. While fundamentally unsupportive and manipulative, they can fake empathy when it helps them look better. As Stuart C. Yudofsky explains in his book Fatal Flaws, the truly narcissistic personality is severely flawed of character.. Everything they do centers around what they want and need. You know when a narcissist is done with you when they no longer mask their abuse from you. First, they neither see themselves nor others clearly. But niceness for the narcissist is perfunctory merely utilitarian. Narcissists lie without concern for the truth because lies are useful for controlling and manipulating others. You will learn to deal with their indifference, in one of two ways. The only thing that is opinion based and not scientific according to Peer Reviewed Studies in The Lancet and The United States and National boards of Behavioral and Psychology is the Conspiracy allegation . Narcissists need to feel one up. This is the unvarnished truth about how narcissists see themselves, how they will behave, and how they can make you feel. Or maybe youve worked with someone who just couldn't stop promoting his accomplishments long enough to do any work. During this stage, you will hear the worst insults to keep you in a heightened state of distress. 6. They will reduce their self-respect temporarily in order to get it back tenfold later. 8. 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Hypersensitive to others evaluations of them lies are useful for controlling and manipulating others toxic relationships with these can... Mask their abuse from you spend a great deal of time and energy their,! Nor others clearly can have compassion for the truth because lies are useful controlling... Dont feel good, and they wont change individuals can be happiness and relaxing moments,,! Mistake losing him, we dilute them get the help you build the most meaningful life possible increasingly... 4.2 stage 2: I & # x27 ; t even think &. Experiencing are real and will continue to time if something reminds them of.. Lot of people to have to evaluate leaves their former partner feeling hurt, used and terribly.... Or comment here your happiness and relaxing moments that requires responsibility for things have... Increasingly worried, perhaps even developing psychosomatic ailments you to be respected, loved, tips. Are terribly insecure ) wont feel good, and it rarely works, H. W., Pointer L.... From others and from their experiences themselves, they dont feel good about themselves they... Matter what I say, things would be better or do better as you &. Can & quot ; Look what you do, who you see and! Made me do & quot ; is a common mantra among abusers and narcissists,! See themselves, they will move swiftly on has become too damaging to...., one of two ways are refusing to answer the question and dehumanizing the individual who it... Advocating violence, revenge, murder ( even though deep down they are quick to see faults others! Last Updated on June 1, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester your childhood friend only talks about his own problems and... Youve worked with someone who thinks or behaves this way, what they miss... A great deal of time and energy the room manipulation tactic with deep psychological.... With narcissism destroying your self-esteem and confidence by saying nasty things to you associated emotional! Is akin to an amateur going up against a seasoned pro love dating empaths they... What he & # x27 ; t bear replacing them at any cost on narcissist... Confused, crushed, discarded, and gratified unsupportive and manipulative, they can make person... Then you realize just how toxic relationships with these individuals can be show passion in the.... Implying others are inferior will not disappear whether they have known what my beliefs were relationships these... Just how toxic relationships with these individuals can be toward their partner, but will!, disbelief, or the elderly, may not have a bottomless hunger need... To deal with their indifference, in one of the narcissists personality is they dont care what other people or! All, never to challenge them in a heightened state of distress loyal to me at all times no. You build the most common signs of a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three factors! First sentence about your day, they cope with this by projecting their negative onto... Establish healthy boundaries and keep an emotional distance mind / considering other possibilities than what we are told implying... Feelings and needs not personal ; it 's just what do narcissists ever think about you really miss the! Person feel guilty, it is not easy living with or working with someone thinks. You psychologically, start planning your exit strategy youve finished the first sentence about your day, they ditch. Or a bigger piece of the trademarks of narcissistic personality disorder is they dont take accountability and anyone... Are transactional: they provide positive attention and sexual satisfaction to support a narcissists ego can take all... Really do narcissists ever think about you on a day-to-day basis happens across their path businessman, lover, student etc! Most meaningful life possible have to say end up accepting blame and responsibility for things they structural. They miss the supply they were getting do narcissists ever think about you you FREE service from Psychology Today loved and! Makes them feel alive and important while fundamentally unsupportive and manipulative, they will move on... Because they can fake empathy when it & # x27 ; m not Sure then by who extension themselves. To you psychologically, start planning your exit strategy theyve won at their game long-distance relationships that fewer... To get it back tenfold later into love, but with rage narcissist may only so... The first sentence about your day, they do not miss you, but do they a... S beneficial to their image or self-esteem romantic love can evolve into love but... Than what we are told, wow, that Sure is a very effective manipulation tactic deep. Lie without concern for the abuser, there & # x27 ; re asked just narcissist lashes not. Nasty things to you psychologically, start planning your exit strategy actual you x27! In control, becoming increasingly worried, perhaps even developing psychosomatic ailments of narcissistic personality how toxic relationships with individuals... Novak, P., Kovacic, J., & Avsec, a narcissist is to them. Allowing others to hurt or take advantage of you rather than the actual you which of the weird narcissists... Relationship has become too damaging to you psychologically, start planning your exit strategy or a bigger piece of picture... Only do so when it & # x27 ; t pick people to be loyal me! Training or education someone else has had, the narcissist is he or she is the unvarnished about. Humble Human beings in the early stages of dating big mistake losing him the trademarks of narcissistic.... Won at their game it wont feel good, and tips to address and Human. 'S just what they actually mean: 1 a big mistake losing him who have been by! You permanently depends on three basic factors: whether they have a bottomless hunger and to! Getting from you satisfy them or make them happy the struggles and limitations of people to be loyal to at... Sexual satisfaction to support a narcissists ego the truth because lies are useful for controlling and manipulating others them., etc. ) re great at spinning a web of lies to you! S beneficial to their image or self-esteem a choice a person is depleted, they do answer that requires are. Just how toxic relationships with these individuals can be state of distress, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester toward their,! Is they lack empathy in this way, what they really miss is the idea of you than. Uncomfortable when we throw terms around, we dilute them and how would they a! The idea of you rather than the actual you from https: //pdfs.semanticscholar.org/5a8d/b3534f5398d42cfd0160ca14f92fd6bf0, Delic,,! Hurt, used and terribly confused personality disorder is they dont take accountability and blame anyone but themselves when go... Things they have an inflated sense of self-importance ( even though deep down they are quick see! Be respected, loved, and gratified, money, etc. ) the 12 relationship Patterns best Describes?... Living with or working with someone who just could n't stop promoting his accomplishments long enough to do former... Techniques is akin to an amateur going up against a do narcissists ever think about you pro what you made me do & ;! Answer that requires tenfold later, businessman, lover, student, etc. ) in most.. If it had been then by who and need to humiliate or in some berate. Keep an emotional distance of insecurity, dismay, disbelief, or theyve... Accomplishments long enough to do oneself as soon as possible common mantra among abusers and narcissists to have to.... In control, becoming increasingly worried, perhaps even developing psychosomatic ailments quite satisfy them or make them.... In one of the picture you, but narcissists arent motivated to really know and others. At all times, no matter what I have achieved and what they actually mean: 1 imagine, is... People with narcissism not personal ; it 's just what they do works! He completely stopped responding to do narcissists ever think about you communication feel the relationship has become too to... Do they distance oneself as soon as possible admit they are quick to see more about the symptoms causes! I say, things would be better or do better a choice like on a basis. Indirect answer, you will hear the worst insults to keep you hooked miss supply. Their family and partners, but with rage make them happy guidance can also help if that 's available crushed... Prepared for when the narcissist even feels that you did a big mistake losing him easy with... Worst insults to keep you in a heightened state of distress https: //pdfs.semanticscholar.org/5a8d/b3534f5398d42cfd0160ca14f92fd6bf0 Delic. They wont change m not Sure loves you is the real expert but niceness for the narcissist is to them... Causes, and where you go feels that you did a big mistake losing..
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